508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
be right there i have to get my cape
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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