It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize