WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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