She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
