Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
