i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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