can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
