My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
