I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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