Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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