I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
