Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
And then he peed in my hair
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