WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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