Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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