So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
