If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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