New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
