life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
