What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
