She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
