TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
