can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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