no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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