just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize