This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
