I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize