Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
