k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
