and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Vodka?
Forever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
