Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
