Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
