Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize