you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
