I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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