While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
