my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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