There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have fence marks all over my body
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
