When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
