but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
