good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They took my balls.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All the doctor said was why
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
