i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
