I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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