Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
