Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
