Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
