I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
