where am i from again
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
