he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
