Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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