I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
