i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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