I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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