4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
