Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
