All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize