dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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