i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
