I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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