when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we're so committed to being not committed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
