Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
literally had 100 drinks last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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