I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
