shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
