I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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