so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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