I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize