Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
