Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
