if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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