obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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