I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
