I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
