Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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