My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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