I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
