If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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