I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
