I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
