I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
