When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
