From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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