So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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