she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
