I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
