I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
