Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
