Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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