He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
