it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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