that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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