I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
