I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
