i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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