living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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