Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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