Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
