Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
