This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
