I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
