do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
