We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
