and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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