and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you will always have a special place in my vag
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
